What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 13:26
Was to survive, this bastard.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I don,t even have a pension.
If sea levels were rising, wouldn't the acreage of coastal salt marshes increase? Are they?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He knew the spot.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Why do some of those who believe in a god refuse to consider the possibility they could be wrong?
But it wasn’t much.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
What is the best way to get over your ex?
I waited trembling.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
How did the Nazis figure out whether a person or community is 'Aryan' or not?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I said to her
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Why do men prefer women below the age of 30?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But ive been too sick for many years..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
How do military families balance personal political views with respect for civilian leadership?
All the time i was locked up.
I write beautiful poetry .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
What did your sister do to you that you can never forget?
My life is so biszare .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
We were not on the streets..
I was scared of men, in general
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Comes on , in middle age.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Ive learnt so much.
She found it foreign!.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
It was going to be , some day.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Put me off passion for life!!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I have no regrets .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
What did i know ?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I couldn’t, believe it.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
As i do to all so called friends.?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Would this be the day?
One cannot live in the past .
When she asked me how she looked .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But, we were locked up after school.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She was in good health!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I never cut or harmed myself..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I was very sick at this time too.
I think the readers, may guess!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
So, i spoilt her more .
And i lived it daily.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I was seconnd youngest,
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She married twice! .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Im still living with it.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Who then, do I blame.?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
We all went to grammer schools
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
My family never makes their pension either.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
This is soul school!.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
So whats the point in blame.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I was 9 years of age.
Why did i forgive my father ?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She wouldn,t have been !
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
She loved him until the end.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I will be 64.